The Land of Happy

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 18:25:10 GMT

Still so far behind... *weeps*

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 05:09:02 GMT

I'm 7,089 words into my novel, and I need to be at at least 8,300 tonight to be caught up. Problem is since I've never been cheated on or dumped, I'm having a lot of trouble with the basic premise of the story. Blegh.

Mostly just wanted to post because I found out while having lunch with dad yesterday that Mr. Reynolds died. We called him "grandpa" at the Autumn because he was by far the oldest resident at a whopping 98 years old. The next oldest resident was about 80 if I recall. Grandpa was also the sharpest of all the residents and was fluent in French and Latin and quite proficient at Spanish. He worked for the Boys Club of America and also taught high school French for a while. He also ran the Boston Marathon once which is funny to imagine since when I knew him he only had one leg. I never did find out how he lost it...

Anyway his birthday was the day before mine and he would have been 99 this year. I kind of forgot what else I wanted to say besides that I'll always remember him joining me and Norma for decaf coffee or cereal while we took our break, and how patient he was with me while I was learning how to help him into and out of his wheelchair. He was tiny but he was strong as an ox.

691

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 21:35:02 GMT

There is nothing scarier than a person with Alzheimer's trying to go outside the front door because they think they're supposed to. Nothing.

The last couple hours have been the scariest and most stressful I've ever had in this line of work, and it's all because gramma insists that she was with somebody yesterday and that they're supposed to pick her up and take her home. Seeing her mother's furniture here, and having Randall explain things didn't do diddly squat. She seems to have lost her grip on the last few strands of reality she had. I hope this isn't permanent yet, or at the very least if it is, that Fred finally take her to a doctor. They make medication for elderly wandering issues, which happens with dementia. She could use some now, methinks.

Dropped off my application at the coffee shop today. Hope it goes well. Library app is still in the air until Monday.

Over the cold, got a lot of driving in the next couple days, and Lauren and Coree wanna come cheer me on at the half marathon. Sweet lady freedom, I shall bi-curiously make out with you in three hours and 36 minutes!

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 20:02:56 GMT

I like having this blogging time, but gramma's doing horribly. Also I have a cold. Also it is very cold out. And the vet's office called at 6:30 to cancel Nigel's appointment today. And I need to sneeze so badly my eyes are watering. And the race is in three days and I've barely run since Sunday.

Wah.

Waiting to hear back from the library about that job, and today I'll turn in my application at that coffee shop. At seven there's a meet and greet at Café Milano for folks doing NaNoWriMo. Also gotta stop and get Kahlua on the way home for the goodies I'm making for Randall's housemates (because it gives me an excuse to cook more than I can eat and store) and for the Fatties. There will be extra Kahlua goodness for the Fatties.

Think I'll crack open a Coke. Stuff doesn't really taste good anymore, but it's liquid and it has a flavor.

Invidious Tang

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 20:48:58 GMT

Gramma has been asleep all day so far, except for a couple of nervous freakouts with Celia this morning. I'm trying to figure out how to explain to Fred that around the two of us she keeps asking for a doctor, but changes her mind whenever Fred comes in without insisting that her opinion doesn't matter and that if he needs to he should lie to get her to the doctor's. Heck, I know where his number is written; I could make an appointment and kidnap her myself.

The two new rats, Bret and Jemaine, are getting along well. They fell asleep on the couch yesterday afternoon, though Bret, the hyper one, kept waking up to investigate any time I made a sound. Like Nigel they love the ukulele and explore me like little monkeys if I'm typing or eating something. Of course that leads them back to the cage because they can jump and climb, unlike Nigel who's old and fat. I'll introduce them all when Nigel's over his UTI.

I'm trying to decide if I have a cold or allergy right now. Throat was tickly most of the weekend, but I also had some heartburn and lots of burping so I figured it might be hyper acidity again. Alas, yesterday I woke up with my nose a bit runny and today my head is congested. This is what, my third cold this year? What the hell? I usually just get one a year! Is 2009 the year of the tissue or something? I have a 13.1 mile race Sunday morning! I cannot be sick!

Good Luck Every Year

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 21:26:17 GMT

Fingers crossed that I get a new job! The Berkeley Public Library is hiring! It's part time and I'd be earning less than I do caregiving, but it's a short commute and would allow me the chance to find a second job to supplement what's missing. I saw a help wanted sign hanging outside The Beanery on College Ave; they likely want somebody with experience, but if I can find anything that pays ten bucks an hour for minimum ten hours a week, I'm taking it.

The other day I realized that I start feeling angry any time I think about San Ramon, especially driving there and leaving the house at the end of my shift. I can't tell for sure, but I feel may be acting a lot more snappy and temperamental in these six months or so that I've been working with the elderly. I'm suddenly fearful of getting old and having my mind be a blank slate and being a burden to my family, and not knowing that despite any love they feel, they also quietly wish that I'd die already. I also feel angry about differing ethics about when a person with dementia really can't decide whether or not they should see a doctor, and that I can't really say anything about it since she's not my relative.

Today I was supposed to hang out with Rich and Jen, who's in NorCal for the weekend, but they haven't gotten back to my messages which annoys me. I know Rich has a big test today for one of his sysadmin classes, so if we do get together, it'll probably have to be tonight. Since it's Sunday Randall is of course at gramma's and I for once am not. It feels good albeit a bit boring. Could read a book and get some inspiration in before NaNo starts on Sunday.

I Can Breathe For the first Time

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 03:56:11 GMT

I love that the Elmwood laundromat has good wifi. And tables! And it's next to a 7-11! Unfortunately no shortage of people that decide to strike up conversation with me. Usually I love to talk to strangers, but not when I do laundry for some reason. In Monterey there was that lady with the dog, the crazy homeless guy and his friend who gave me a pretty rock and a necklace, random folks dropping in from the bar next door. At the place near Randall's it was schizophrenics, the manager asking if I had enough light, and kids asking why I'm drinking tomato juice and making funny faces instead of having a delicious soda. Tonight it's a nice old Jamaican guy showing me a section in a Jamaican newspaper about the educational system and commenting on how amazing it is that in his day people used tuning forks and now there's computers. He liked my uke playing at least, even if I cut my nails too short so it kind of hurts to strum.

Other downside to this place, besides that it's out of the way is that there's a few arcade games, and this girl's been playing Bubble Bobble off and on for a while. Song's getting on my nerves.

There was an exciting two-hour visit to the DMV today, that I feel I should mention. Over an hour and a half of waiting in an uncomfortable chair to get a new license picture and a replacement yellow sticker for my rear plate. I blame them for my very blah mood right now.

On another note...

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 23:14:24 GMT

I haven't played my uke in two days, and I barely did on Sunday. I can feel my fingers going soft and I feel that kind of low that athletes get when they don't work out for a while. I wish I could play it here but I can't even play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" for gramma without her interrupting to ask a dozen questions.

A Nonnutritious Treat

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 23:09:52 GMT

I've been staring at the screen for nearly five minutes now trying to think of something to write that doesn't have to do with work. Not really succeeding.

Part of me wants to quit this gig and work at a coffee shop, but that's not happening. As much as I hate getting paid to literally do nothing for 26 hours a week, it'll be good for not only this year's NaNoWriMo, but also when I start school and need to study. It is however extremely boring and doesn't pay enough. I got a notice from Wells Fargo yesterday saying that I have to start paying my loans back next month which means I have to tell dad that I can't afford to pay my share of insurance/phone anymore. It's a relief but also a huge owch.

The half-marathon is about ten days away. I just realized that I don't talk much about running here. For a long time during training I haven't been able to run more than 12 miles without either hitting the wall or feeling pain, but this last Sunday I finally ran 16 miles! Took a bit more than three hours, so I need to try to run more during the real marathon, but I'm very proud of myself.

Of course it was late in the day and I felt obligated to take Randall to Gramma's since I had such a hard time getting out of bed, and otherwise it would take him over an hour to get there by public transit, so the run was followed by a very boring afternoon of hiding in the living room. I wish I could get paid for that. I don't like going to work and seeing my client unless I'm getting paid for it, even if I try my damnedest not to deal with her while there. It's cold in the rest of the house, the lighting is bad, and I feel weird even though it feels like my own house. Darn, there I go talking about work again.

In other news, I made seitan for the first time last night. A simple recipe is to take four cups of flour, a teaspoon of salt, and about 1 1/4 cups of water to form a sticky dough. You let the dough sit a couple hours and then rinse the hell out of it until the starch has been washed out and you're left with a rubbery ball about the size of a small fist. I think next time I need to rinse it longer so I end up with less chew and more fiber. Damn if it didn't make for tasty nuggets though.

They Get Lost

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 22:13:05 GMT

I feel like I have so much to say, but dear lord am I bored and uninspired. All I can think about is how happy I'll be when six o'clock rolls around and I can get out of this house where I'm literally getting paid to do nothing and go back to Berkeley and Randall and the rats and music.

Hey, there's something I could talk about! Eni's friend, Pauric (amazing guy from Belfast who seems to know everything about everything), brought his mandolin this week for me to play with. It's a beautiful antique that was made in 1901 and it sounds amazing. He was tickled pink but also a bit weirded out when he found out I got the ukulele since it's an "unusual" instrument that is tuned weirdly, and he decided last week that I should try the mandolin and make it my second instrument.

Well, now I'm learning how to play "Britches Full of Stitches" and my fingers are screaming in blissful agony at the bits of skin that are coming off. I was starting to get callouses from the nylon strings on the uke, but double steel strings are making the process go much faster. Maybe someday I'll get my own mandolin. It certainly is a fun instrument, and it's about the size of a soprano uke, maybe a tad bigger.

In other news I'm predicting an awesome weekend even though nothing is actually planned. I might drop a line to Elizabeth and see if she's free on Sunday, because I really don't want to go to San Ramon. I am sick of that house and the bad lighting and living in fear of chit chat with gramma that I don't get paid for. Happily in a few weeks there's another orientation for City College and hopefully this time I'll get in and I can start my way out of this godawful job. It means goodbye to Saturdays for a while but it'll be so worth it.

Basic Pancakes

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 19:26:49 GMT

Nigel's been doing that thing where he licks his penis and squeals every two minutes constantly since yesterday. It's freaking me out, especially because I think he's been lying in the same corner of his cage since last night. He is interested in food at least, and I left him with some pasta with peanut butter when I headed out this morning. Last time it went on for a while off and on, and an eventual vet visit showed nothing was wrong aside from Nigel maybe showing himself a good time. I just hope I don't come home one of these days to find him cold and at the bottom of his cage. I'll have to check his penis carefully when I get home to see if there's a plug.

The rainy season came early and hard. Took me about an hour to get to San Ramon because everybody was going about 50 on the highways. Visibility was terrible and I saw three cases of people regretting their idiocy, including two covered in mud in the medians and facing the wrong way. There was also one car randomly stopped in the middle of 680 with a police car several yards behind it. That was a little weird.

Also weird was the huge fire in my neighborhood. I saw some flames and a huge cloud of black smoke coming from some neighbors a couple houses down, but it turns out the fire was on the next street over, probably where the two back yards join. Remember folks: always be careful with your heaters!

It's raining so hard and I need to deposit a few cheques before I go home. I really wish I could have brought Nigel with me to be sure he's okay, but that would really throw off the dynamic here. I just hope he'll be okay the six hours I'm not there. Only three to go.

To The Place I Belong

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 02:07:47 GMT

Until I can find a better name, Bret and Jemaine are home! Fairfield is much closer than I thought it was, especially when I was a kid and going up to Davis felt like a massive road trip. They're both a little scared of me now, and one of them keeps nibbling my fingers thinking it's food, but they don't act nowhere near as badly as Reg and Sheridan did when I adopted them. I think I'll call the extroverted nibbly one Jemaine, and mark his ears and tail with a Sharpie to tell him apart from Bret, who's quite shy, but will warm up eventually. I got a big fancy cage for them that's perfect, but it's too big to fit in the car, meaning that it has to stay at Randall's and also meaning that I'll have to keep the big cage that I hate. I may still yet look for another one that's easier to deal with, but might be cheaper to just get some flannel-- apparently that's best for keeping the nasty smells away.

Made apple sauce with Eni's slow cooker Thursday night/ Friday morning and it came out awesome! A tad too chunky, but wonderfully spiced. Half went to Randall's house mates, and the rest for Nick and Lena, who we had dinner with Friday night. Occurred to me that I should think of something I can prepare for this year's T-Give. I don't plan on playing Portal so I may be much more social this time. (Not to say that I was in a shell the whole time last year!)

Today I tweaked my back while wrapping up Mile Four on what was supposed to be a 15-mile run. It still hurts a little, but only if I walk or bend. It really makes me mad because I hardly ran this week and this is my second Sunday without doing a long run. The next race is three weeks away, so there's hope yet.

Just Spare Me

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 18:13:03 GMT

Oh yeah. It's on. Even though I don't have a plot yet. I do have my characters though, but they've been following me around since the 10th grade.

Gramma's worrying me because her hypothyroidism is really starting to show now, but she's still lucid enough to refuse to go to the doctor and is able to put up a good fight about it. Were she my grandma I'd just kidnap her and take her by force. She's too far gone to hold her responsible for her own health and affairs.

I left my debit card in my other pants which greatly annoys me. Also, my calves really hurt, probably because I ran on my toes on Tuesday after reading about how it's the "correct" way to run. Of course I did more research afterwards and realized it's only acceptable for short distances, like sprints, not endurance-related runs.

Not much else. Gonna make applesauce tomorrow with Eni's slow cooker and apparently cook dinner with Nick and Lena in the evening. I might bring Kanapapiki along since Randall mentioned that Lena is toying with the idea of learning to play. I can brainwash her!

Music Education Videos

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 20:56:24 GMT

I have two days to get 12-bar blues to sound right before Thursday's next lesson. (I decided to make Thursdays the day I learn new stuff since that's the day I got the uke.) It'll be another boring week, this time featuring the G7 chord, which I learned last week from another site, and shuffle strumming. Might mix it in with Lesson Five: This Land is Your Land to make things more interesting. I'm excited for lesson six though, when we learn how to play Yellow Submarine. Finally a real song! My goal is to get it perfect in time for T-Give, along with a few other songs everybody knows. Seems like the kind of thing to do when you're hanging out in a cabin at a Boy Scouts camp full of food and Randall's college buddies.

Sunday I started working on building a case of out of the box the uke, henceforth known as Kanapapiki, out of the box she was shipped in. Traditionally Hawaiian names have a second meaning known only to the individual and his family, making it much more personal. Also, if a kid gets sick, the parents would change his name to something like Kapela (Filth) or Ka'aihune (Theif) to protect the kid. Thus, my uke is currently called "Son of a Bitch" because going into and out of the D7 chord is driving me nuts. At least now I can play the chord without any buzzing, and my fingertips are going numb and feel funny!

I need to decide soon if I'm going to buy a radiator and a new cage. I do have a space heater and cage already, but the space heater is noisy and needs a wide berth for safety's sake, and it just blows hot air in one direction. The cage is too tall to fit in my car, and I'd like to be able to go to Randall's with the PEWs instead of leaving them alone so much like Reg and Sheridan. I could always get a tank topper, but tanks are really hard to clean and not very healthy since the air doesn't circulate as well. The heater I could get on Craigslist when I find what I'm looking for, but the cage could be tricky.

Freaking money and first world problems! I'm nowhere near the poverty level but it sure feels like it. If I could get out of paying my share of expenses I share with dad that would make things a lot easier. As it is, if gramma suddenly dies or needs very intense care in a home, I'm out of work with enough savings to pay rent a couple of months if i skimp on everything else. Blegh.

Malama Pono

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 23:23:02 GMT

Officially poor again. Dad took back the $1,500 he gave me a while ago for buying the condo, plus another $200 for my share of our cell phones, car insurance, and Kaiser coverage. That means that now half of my monthly income goes to rent and utilities plus a little more for food, and most of a week's pay towards stuff dad pays for. *weeps*. Aloha Hawaii. Maybe we'll meet in the spring, even though I'll have school and work keeping me busy.

I got a card from the Nissan dealership in San Leandro telling me that I might be the lucky winner of a new car or $15,000 if the numbers I had matched. They did but I never called or went by to really see if I could get money. Bugger.

King Pin Donuts and a bakery near Randall's both have "Help Wanted" signs, but I don't have time for a second job. Blegh.

City College hasn't sent me any info about the next orientation that's supposed to be next month, and their website hasn't updated since the first orientation in April. I'll fire off an email tomorrow.

A Warm, Soulful Character

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 22:11:29 GMT

It's been a week since I've gotten the uke. So far, I know 10 chords, including the dreaded D7 which is killing me, and can play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and am getting the hang of the 12-bar blues (see: D7 chord). My fingertips are also going numb and I've got the beginning of callouses on my index and middle fingers. YEAH!

Next weekend I'm going up to Fairfield to adopt a couple of PEWs (that's Pink-Eyed Whites to non-rattie folks) that would otherwise be snake food. No idea what to name them, or if I should stick to a British boarding school theme considering the luck I had with poor Reg and Sheridan.

Oh, speaking of Reg, he's now in Oakley with somebody from Rattie Ratz who's trying to rehabilitate him. Turns out it wasn't just me, and the little guy is really just a big bully. He's regularly being placed in a play pen with about 10 other full-grown males and he still won't submit or let anybody touch him. Rescuer pointed out that he's one of those rare cases where neutering has no effect and we might have to consider the possibility of putting him down if he doesn't improve at all. Also, all the energy spent on him could help out a few other good rats instead. Either way Reg is better off there than he was with me.

That's If You're Into it Too

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 05:13:00 GMT

I officially declare that I won't be really happy until I either have a well-paying job and no debt, or dad is financially stable and I can stop worrying about the next 20 years or however long he has left. Maybe in the short run, when he stops talking about the new condo I'll feel a little better.

Oh yeah. Dad bought the condo in my name. He's now completely broke, and I'm hesitant to ask if he's foreclosed on all his real estate, or just one or two properties. I'll be sad if Emereyville is gone. That property is a real gem, not this piece of crap in Walnut Creek. The grounds are lovely but it's so sterile and overwhelming. And it's in fucking Walnut Creek. People are lining up to see the place though, so that gives dad a little income. And he's looking to go into "business" with Aldo again. Lord.

Rachel is in the process of buying a house that belonged to a friend of hers who, like dad, took risky loans and then couldn't afford all the payments and had to foreclose. She's buying it so she can rent it to her friend until she has enough money to buy it back. It's a mansion for a family of four. Great that Rachel is doing this for her friend, but is she doing anything for dad? Or is dad being proud and taking on the whole burden himself? Does he have any sort of plan for the day he wakes up and turns into an Old Person? Is he going to become for me what my grandma was to him? Randall's grandma grew up during the Depression and after taking care of her mother, realized how important it was to keep saving and being prepared for the future; dad has none of that and it scares the living shit out of me.

I learned tonight that anytime I get angry, no matter what it is, it always leads back to dad and money. I've had a lot happen to me this week to upset me and about half of it already had to do with dad. I love the man, but he's given me the lion's share of "daddy issues", I think.

He'll Kick You Apart

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 21:26:07 GMT

Well this has been a pretty craptacular week, and it's only Wednesday. The crappiness started Monday night when I got home and saw only Reg in the cage staring at me and wanting food. Sheridan's usually there alongside him. Did he escape? Was he hiding or injured? I had no idea but seeing a trail of ants going into the cage was not a good sign. I moved Nigel's cage aside and dragged the big one into the bathroom for a better look. There in the corner was my little Sheridan, underneath his beloved wheel, in the space both rats love to hide in. The ants confirmed that he was gone.

I'm not certain what happened exactly, but I'm sure it had to do with his weight and hyperactivity. The guy was a crazy little monkey rat who climbed everything effortlessly and ran like a maniac in his wheel, but could never defend himself whenever Reg attacked him and took his food. Big helpings of Oxbow and baby food and peanut butter were no match. I feel terrible about the whole thing and I'm mad at myself and at Reg, who made Sheridan's life kind of crappy in the cage. Saturday I'm taking Reg to Oakley where somebody from Rattie Ratz will give him the care that I can't give him. Reg is too unpredictable and aggressive; if I can't touch him, there's no way I can put him near Nigel, even if Nigel is much bigger. All of this was for Nigel, so he could have some rodent companionship, but it's been a failure.

I don't know if I want to try again or not. There's a girl rat here at Humboldt Gardens that needs a home, but she hasn't been spayed and I don't know if I could/should get her spayed and intro her to Nigel or not. Also, I definitely want to sell Reg and Sheridan's cage. Between the memories and the fact that I always hated that cage, I think it's the right thing to do. The wheel squeaks and makes me sad, and it's a pain in the ass to clean since the second level is wire and needs fleece clipped over it to make it okay to walk on. I blame the fleece for making my home smell so bad all the time. If I get more rats, I'll get a bigger version of Nigel's cage that should fit in my car so all the rats can come and I don't have to go back-and-forth between Berkeley and Oakland anymore.

Yesterday Randall helped me bury Sheridan in the front yard of his house. I'm glad Eni let me do it, because I wouldn't feel right doing it at Humboldt, where there's cats and noise and lots of digging. Eni's house is an animal paradise and her front yard is both lovely and safe from Belly's digging games.

The good news is that Nigel's doing well. He cuddled near my leg before I went to Randall's last night and let me play with his flab a little before he went back to his place under one of the couch pillows. Reg is currently loose in my bathroom; he's spent over 24 hours in the tank because I've had a migraine since Monday that made it impossible for me to clean the cage. I'll clean it enough to make it livable since he'll only be in there for three more nights before he leaves.

The really wonderful news is that I finally get my ukulele tomorrow! A Lanikai soprano that will hopefully be my friend alongside my attempt at the harmonica, which I may eventually return to.

Ka Nahele `O Waika

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 09:21:30 GMT

Ah, the joys and wonders of caffeine! Today was a good day at work, aside from getting a pretty bad migraine during the afternoon. It didn't start feeling terrible until the drive back, however, when the sun was still ungodly bright but low enough in the sky that the visors in my car did nothing. On top of this my windshield was a bit dirty and I still don't have a pair of prescription or clip-on shades so there was mad squinting involved. Then there was the additional headache of solid traffic on 24 by the time I hit the Orinda exit. Despite it taking longer, I exited and went back to Randall's through Canyon because I'd much rather go over a mountain in the shade than be blinded while constantly shifting to first and back to neutral and getting angry at bad mergers.

How does the caffeine play in? Well, after "Jeopardy" we ended up going to Roma for pizza and coffee, and I was hopeful that a dose of good coffee would be enough to at least keep me alive enough to not throw up at some point during the weekend. And since it had been a while since I'd had coffee at Roma, of course I opted for a delicious cappuccino which not only cured my migraine, but also gave me a boost of energy to make up for my afternoon lethargy. Four hours later and I'm wired enough that I can't stop fidgeting. Kind of wish I belonged to a 24-Hour Fitness so I could go and run; I think my body's learned to associate real strong coffee with carboloading. Let's hope the ol' body keeps thinking this on Sunday when I'll (hopefully) run 12 miles in 2:15. (I'm giving myself a buffer so I can walk some. If I can do the half-marathon in less than this time, I'll call myself a speed goddess.)

I've been really nostalgic for hula and Hawaii in general for some reason this week. I've been thinking a lot about Katsue lately, ever since I heard that the Nichibei Times would stop printing soon. She would give me old copies so I could practice reading Japanese, even though I could only read about a dozen kanji at the time. A bunch of my sisters have moved on to other halau hula and are putting on much bigger shows than Na Hula O' Moana Ohana could have ever dreamed of. I wish I could afford hula classes again.

One of my sisters, Jem, has been taking uke classes for a while now, and it's quite well known that the ukulele is a very easy instrument to play. Easier, I daresay, than the harmonica. And a cheapo one costs the same as a good harp. Despite my history in music (fainting flute lessons, failed guitar attempts, percussion trauma, piano boredom), I've decided to invest in a modest Lanikai soprano uke. I don't know why I keep trying, when I keep insisting I'm not at all creative musically speaking, but I feel like it's something I need to do. And I really do love the ukulele, if anything, because it's small and puts a smile on everybody's face. Even if I can't get past "Row, Row Your Boat" I'll have at least tried and can kick myself for wasting precious food money on a hunk of wood.

Geez, it's funny how insomnia works. My eyelids feel heavy but my mind and my fingers are still going a mile a minute, like my head's tired but my body could go for a nice stroll around the neighborhood. Maybe this coffee is finally starting to wear out. So long as I don't get another headache this weekend I'm good.

Sweet Adeline

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 22:55:57 GMT

Two and a half more hours and I'm free!

Met with dad and our real estate guy today to sign the papers for the condo I am soon to be a reluctantly proud owner of. Made it clear that I do not intend to live there until maybe May but even the chances of that are about 10%, meaning that dad will now talk to Scott (real estate guy) about making a rental listing about it. It's a gorgeous place- the grounds, from what I've seen on Google; never actually stepped foot near there- with a gym and tennis courts and lots of trees and ponds with birds and fish, and it's near Bart, but it's in flipping Walnut creek. And I'd be paying rent to dad so I wouldn't be saving money by moving either. This source of income will be good for dad, and it means some money for me when I can sell the place somewhere down the line.

Weekend was crazy fun. Beatles Rock Band is the greatest game ever, and someday I shall have the dough to get a Playstation and the game and become awesome. I got stuck having to sing a great deal at the party because I'm not scared of embarrassing myself, and it's been confirmed that I carry a tune well. For once Randall wasn't annoyed at all, but maybe it was because I wasn't singing in my "Morrissey voice", haha.

Saturday we went for crêpes as we often do on Saturdays. For some reason I've been craving tea like mad since Friday and Saturday I downed at least three cups. Not sure why since I'm not a huge tea fan despite my large stash at home, but I can't get enough of it.

The Jax Have Completed Several World Tours

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 21:26:20 GMT

Has it really been eight years since 9/11 happened? It honestly still feels like just yesterday I spent the whole day watching the news in different classrooms, hearing different stories, and having classmates leave during the middle of the day. Makes me feel a bit old, and it of course amazes me that it's a nasty infected wound that the country is still trying to get over.

Tonight there shall be Beatles Rock Band at PMK's and I am excited. Finally songs I know! And an excuse to wear the nifty vest I got over a year ago and never had the chance to wear. Should wear it more though; it's that kind of early 90's thing that was stylish then, then looked stupid, and now looks awesome again.

Work is much better today. I think Gramma just needed to get a lot of bad feelings out of her, even if she didn't realize it. She's been really good today, eating and walking and talking. The tissue box is still a tricky spot though because it's been empty for a few days. We've all been sticking toilet paper in it, but I get the feeling that trick may not be working so well now. She's reclining in chair now with the TV so she may drift off soon.

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 23:01:36 GMT

How did the rest of my day go after my last post?

I freaking hate Alzheimer's. It's up there with cancer.

Do you need my Jumper, Bowie

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 18:06:18 GMT

I think I might be coming down with a case of caregiver stress, thanks to seeing Randall's grandma six days a week. Well, let's make that five and a half because I plan on making it a habit to hide out in the other part of Fred's house when I bring Randall on Sundays. It isn't so much that Gramma depresses me as it is that she makes me feel frustrated and angry, which is how Celia and Terrice also feel after a bad day.

For me the most infuriating part is when she starts going through things like her purses and the refrigerator. She can look through one wallet for something (she has no idea what) for several minutes, put it down to look at another wallet, and then go back to the first in an endless loop. She has nothing of value at all besides a couple of mashed up dollar bills and lots of notes reminding her about things that just end up confusing her more. It always ends with her putting her things away while I remind her that all of her siblings and her parents, and her husband and daughter are dead but that she still has her grandkids and her son. It's hard to smile and be comforting when I have to play that spiel.

Then there's feeding her fruit and sandwich meat. She's like my grandma in the way she thinks you can't eat skins and rinds because they don't dissolve into mush when you chew them, so she'll spit them out into a napkin and complain that there's "no chew to them". It's revolting and I have to leave the room when she does it. I am learning mum's technique of just smiling and laughing, which I use when Gramma gets mad about why she wasn't informed that she gets home health aides (her idea years ago) and why we assume she's weak and needs help. It's like talking to a brick wall, especially when she becomes convinced that Fred is undermining her and that he has no idea what he's doing. She's probably remembering Fred as a boy when she does that, and she can't remember having very smartly worked out all her affairs years ago when her brain was more gray matter than ventricles. When she really starts to enrage me I just imagine her brain floating there while her body is gone, and the reminder that it looks like swiss cheese now helps me calm down and remember that she can't help it.

In happier news, I think I've become obsessed with Flight of the Conchords. Like, really obsessed. I love it! Comedy, music, mutton chops and sexy glasses; what's not to love?!

Sneaking Into Nightclubs

Wed, 02 Sep 2009 21:45:38 GMT

Ah, I wish I could think of something to say. I'm stuck in a little routine that I can't get out of. Wake up, work (read: fart around online and study Japanese), go home and play with rats, go to Randall's and run. If I could afford it I'd get back into hula or maybe give aikido a try, but that's not happening for a long time.

Randall's grandma has been in a terrible slump since Sunday, not eating and sleeping all day. It's really starting to worry me, but there isn't much I can do about it besides trying to get a little bit of food in her mouth and making sure she's breathing. If I had been able to find a medical terminology class to audit, I could be studying that, but I haven't had any luck and honestly with the way my bank account is, I'd rather just work work work until I can start City College than lose hours and take a class that costs money to prepare for what I'll already be learning.

The awesome news is that Elizabeth may apply with me, now that she knows the program exists. The Mandarin program starts at the same time the Spanish program I'm applying to starts, so we'd be classmates! I'm keeping her posted.

I made the mistake today of reading an article about racism in Japan and the bad reaction a lot of Caucasians in Japan are having over some new McDonald's ads which feature a stereotypical white guy talking in broken Japanese. I love Japan and most of the people we encountered were very friendly, but I'm all too aware of how prejudiced they are, even to each other. It always makes me sad to the point that I feel like my goal of becoming fluent is fruitless and I end up putting my books down for a while. It'll probably be a few days before I get over it and go back to learning again.

I hope grandma's depression isn't rubbing off on me. Six days a week with that woman are showing me sides of her personality that I had no idea existed, and I sure as hell hope I don't end up like her when I'm 87.

Finding the right Answer

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 04:07:59 GMT

I'll be happy when I don't have to care for elderly people anymore. Mum was amazing for doing it, but I feel like Randall's grandma is slowly driving me insane sometimes. I hope to all things sacred that I don't get Alzheimer's and heaven forbid that if I do, that my family will have the compassion to send me to be put to sleep.

Sheridan is finally bonding with me which is wonderful! He still tries to run away when I pick him up, but he doesn't squeak and panic anymore, and he calms down after he licks some peanut butter off my fingers or has some baby food. Reg has been stealing all his food lately so I've been giving him outside time alone to feed him some more caloric goodies. Today I introduced him to Nigel which went fairly well; no fighting aside from Nigel rolling Sheri on his back a couple times, and Sheri just squeaking whenever Nigel sniffed his ears. Nigel was really confused and was puffed up the whole time which is always adorable, especially because he doesn't get vicious when he's like that.

I'm in San Ramon now, and will be for a couple more hours. My head hurts, I'm tired, and I didn't run today so I feel blah even though I hate running.

Hung out with Elizabeth yesterday which was awesome. We met in Oakland Chinatown and had an amazing lunch of jellyfish and green onion pancakes, and then I got a few egg custard buns at my favorite bakery. I need to go more because the produce is so cheap and varied.